Breaking Down the Wall

Is this really any way to live? Just making it through the day by day, I don't let any other get in my way. I never even consider finding another to fill the void, I just allow my heart to die, I don’t even want to try. I guess I find it easier to deal with the pain, I build this mile high wall, I don't let anyone close enough to even attempt to make it fall. Some days I just break down with the pain of being alone. Do I really want to do this all by myself? Do I really want to keep my emotions bottled up on an unreachable shelf? Most days I stand up independent and strong, I do what I have to do to be the person I have to be, I shrug off the thought that I"m not allowing myself to just be me. All that I can see is more pain if I let someone in. I'm so tired of being abused, I can not ever again go through being used. I’ve become secluded to save myself from the chance of any more pain. The emptiness from that seclusion is deafening, I wish there was a way to just make me forget about everything. I want a a day of pure emotional freedom, I want to feel alive again, I want to get back my dreams and allow my heart to mend. How can I move on when I’ve can’t even destroy my own emotional protection? Attempting to knock down the wall just turns my heart into stone, I just end up feeling even more alone. I guess for now I'll just continue to live my life. I'll find a way to get through the day by day. Maybe I'll allow someone to come along and try to knock down my blockade.