Brain Slip

I feel like my brain is always plotting in secret As though I don't know Like, it has a whiteboard up somewhere in a vortex like corner, where it knows I can't go. Scheduling meetings without sending me an invitation to respond yes or no They take place when my brain thinks I'm not paying attention, but I know. It's planning my demise, solo. It's been doing so, For quite a bit of time. I recognize this, as I map out the blueprints it has created with my mind It's diabolical the lengths in which I am willing to go to help myself find more reasons to put myself down Time after time To reassure my mind that I'm going to fail because I do all the time At least to me in my mind It's crazy How this brain sometimes does not feel like mine I try and control it But it goes into auto pilot and I am no longer the pilot flying, 80-90% of the time we are falling Don't worry, I'm always fine Catch myself playing a role That was designed by me but isn't mine It's a past character I have no use for It was useful during a certain time But these positions my brain continues to assign are no longer roles that suit me in this state of mind These brains we have Are weapons forged over time We were not born defenseless We have been scheming and plotting since we left the womb and assumed life outside Our brains have the power to override information that has no space in this current time But we have to be aware in the moment it is happening in that very time. How the heck can I catch my brain slip When I am constantly 5 steps behind You can't, and that's what I learned You literally have to drop in on meetings and share new words Stop raising your hand, it's time to take your damn turn Send a memo out to the crew We have Extended the renovation time An internal renovation, For you.