Boys

There were boys in my life
From the time I was 13
There were boys
Secreted away in journals
Like some sort of forbidden candy
To be written about and savored 
In a fantasy world all my own
And in that same year
Slowly but surely they became real
In family rooms and movie theaters
There clammy hands and inept tongues
Reaching out and pushing me into puberty
8th grade
Then came high school
I was one of the lucky ones
I met a boy who would love me 
And see me through until I was nearly an adult
We took each other through through that learning phase
We were lovers and best friends
He broke my heart
And later I broke his
He ruined me
I didn't know that love would ever fail me
Men
I would have one great love in college
I love him to this day
He speaks grandly of art and politics
And makes love just the same
After that
Failure
The next would be a man whom I would adore
Almost as much as the the drugs we consumed
And the beatings I took were only meant to prove his dedication
To turning me into the woman he wanted me to be
With black eyes and a full heart I aborted his child and moved away with him
To prove my love
Of course that disintegrated once he went to jail (after I bailed him out a few time of course)
Then I met the antitheses
A man so gentle he wouldn't say boo to a kitten
I clung
And he let me
But something lingered
The drugs
And as we waded through mountains of cocaine and denial
We got pregnant
We had a baby
We stayed clean for awhile
But old habits die hard
And our were ancient and rock solid
And one night too much drink and too much drug left us broke and broken
He split
We split
We love our daughter
We do our best
Then came rehab and a man old enough to be my father
Kind and kind of a mess
But misery sure do love company
And so I stayed for far to long
And then the punk rock accountant
Who ran me ragged trying to please
I wanted to fix my past
Make myself real
He was going to save me
Make me real 
Undo all the rest
But all he did was make me feel like crap
About who I was
What I was about 
So on a day when we give thanks
I gave out
Told him to kick rocks
And kick rocks he did
And now
What now right?
Well it turns out for years I have had a man by my side 
My best friend
He has held my hair when I puke
Carried me out of the club
Offered to deck my boyfriend
Tucked me in
Held my hand
Held me in 
Held me up
And it turns out he loved me all along
And it turns out I loved him too
Guess I get my happy ending after all

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