Borrow

I went to my neighbors To ask for a favor And said may I borrow Stuff I need tomorrow, But she stopped me short With this stunning retort: “Do you need sugar cane Drano for a clogged drain Or perhaps some flour Or did you lose power.” I answered, “I just need…” And she quickly agreed Saying, “I have some Spam About twenty-five cans Cigarettes, mayonnaise Both purebreds and strays Magnets, plus insurance Some ants, plants, and sweatpants China made in China Not North Carolina Ten pair of tie dye shirts Ten yards of processed dirt Ten to the tenth power Of mushrooms in my yurt” Which all made my head spin So I tried to butt in But she instantly asked “About what kind of mask That you might need today One to keep sparks at bay Or for trick-or-treating Or surgery hygiene A briefcase full of Yen Gray chickens and their pen A toaster, and dartboard” I thought, ‘Oh my dear lord’ She then gave me some keys To an old Mercedes And before I said ‘Please Stop this nonsense Louise’ I had her brand new skis And two wheels of blue cheese Plus her dear husband’s will Old tapes of Benny Hill Plus a trailer, camper Clean clothes in a hamper Her live slug collection Which I shouldn’t mention She lent me her uncle I tried saying ‘uncle’ But got two turtledoves And three chinchilla gloves She gave me an ulcer But I couldn’t repulse her I utterly pleaded To ask what I needed But she still went ahead No matter what I said Until I yelled ‘I’m done Though I just wanted one As I ran out of limes Now I ran out of time’ She put her stuff aside And then ran back inside I still had a few things Like scissors and ring dings While the pure breds and strays Zipped right by in a blaze She came back and said, ‘I’m Giving you my last lime And since you’re out of time I have plenty in stock.’ I then left with a clock.