Bloodstained Soul
Bloodstained Soul May 2023
Everything hurts, my lungs are on fire-
Can't even complete things which success requires.
I cry and I try, pave my path with my blood.-
Then try to stop bleeding, when it all starts to flood.
I tear up my heart when I hang onto hope.-
Then it all falls apart and destructively cope.
I don't want to be here, cant say I ever have-
But I've fought through life anyway, despite being sad. Sadness itself doesn't express my pain.-
But I fight to find peace again and again.
I'm now 27, soon to be 28-
And darkness consumes everything I create.
The ones who I love that I try to protect-
all wind up more hurt as my darkness infects.
This cloud over me, for as long as I've known-
has stole all of my progress as it's endlessly grown.
I try to find love, offering all of mine-
But the world's definition must be different than mine. I shout and I scream, hoping I'll be worth saving.-
Or even worth peace to replace my self hating.
Infection, disease is what I truly am.-
And the more I deny it the more weight I do add.
More weight on my shoulders as I've tried to believe-
that my love for my children would help set me free.
Their light and my love are unquestionable things.-
But the weight of my darkness forces me to my knees.
It renders me helpless, despite all my love-
Though I fight so relentless, I'm still covered in blood. Blood of my own, and the blood of my demons-
stains all that I touch though I try hard to clean it.
My children are perfect in ways they don't know-
Guided me through my darkness with their luminous glow.
But it's foolish and selfish to give them such notions-that this swamp of a soul is a beautiful ocean.
For they see the waves that I've fought to live through-
But have misplaced their faith in my fruitless pursuits.
They've said I'm a fighter, and I have been for them-
But my bloodstained soul will only hurt them in the end.
Copyright © Chelsea StufLeben | Year Posted 2023
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