Bloodstained Soul

Bloodstained Soul May 2023 Everything hurts, my lungs are on fire- Can't even complete things which success requires. I cry and I try, pave my path with my blood.- Then try to stop bleeding, when it all starts to flood. I tear up my heart when I hang onto hope.- Then it all falls apart and destructively cope. I don't want to be here, cant say I ever have- But I've fought through life anyway, despite being sad. Sadness itself doesn't express my pain.- But I fight to find peace again and again. I'm now 27, soon to be 28- And darkness consumes everything I create. The ones who I love that I try to protect- all wind up more hurt as my darkness infects. This cloud over me, for as long as I've known- has stole all of my progress as it's endlessly grown. I try to find love, offering all of mine- But the world's definition must be different than mine. I shout and I scream, hoping I'll be worth saving.- Or even worth peace to replace my self hating. Infection, disease is what I truly am.- And the more I deny it the more weight I do add. More weight on my shoulders as I've tried to believe- that my love for my children would help set me free. Their light and my love are unquestionable things.- But the weight of my darkness forces me to my knees. It renders me helpless, despite all my love- Though I fight so relentless, I'm still covered in blood. Blood of my own, and the blood of my demons- stains all that I touch though I try hard to clean it. My children are perfect in ways they don't know- Guided me through my darkness with their luminous glow. But it's foolish and selfish to give them such notions-that this swamp of a soul is a beautiful ocean. For they see the waves that I've fought to live through- But have misplaced their faith in my fruitless pursuits. They've said I'm a fighter, and I have been for them- But my bloodstained soul will only hurt them in the end.