Blonde Hair, Blue Eyed Little Boy

There he lies sleeping, what used to be my blonde hair, blue eyed little boy, who is now no longer mine. He is his own person, a man in age, but not in actions. His arms are covered in what I consider meaningless tatoos; "In memory of Matt" and "Only God can judge me" are just a few. I wonder if he remembers Matt? How can he remember and still continue doing what he is doing? Does he truely believe only God can judge him? If he did, he would change his ways. The bullets around his wrist remind me of a watch Only instead of telling time they tell fate. I pray every night that they are not his fate. I pray that the funeral I have planned in my head won't happen. Yet I know it will take more than prayers to stop the madness he has created. It will also take courage and will on his part. Only God knows if he will one day find them both. I've asked God countless times for the answer, telling him it would help me find the courage and will to go on. The answer has yet to come. Is it because God knows if he gave it to me, it would take away the courage and will I don't think I have?