Bitter Regrets

We made love. Sweet sweet love. I initiated it. I forced it until it happened. And when it did happen, it was against her will. I raped her. Was it really love if I violently forced myself on my girlfriend? Am sorry but this is my story. I loved a certain girl. She was beautiful and famous. Luckily for me, she did fall, and in love we fell. Or so she thought. Mukosha Lina Mwangala was her name. We dated and because of her fame, our relationship was bound for shame. We fell in love but all I wanted was to make love with her. And when I did, it was forceful love, rape. This was her cry afterwards. “I asked you to love my soul, not my face or my curves or my firm breasts that hang in place. I asked u to respect me as a woman and treat me like a queen. I whispered in your ear all the secrets i kept hidden inside and gave you my trust without thinking twice. Blinded was i, unable to see the devil himself in you, masked with an angelic face, took an oath to love me. It was all nothing but a trap. Did u not hear my cry "No please Stop!!" as u forced me on your bed, tore my pretty dress apart and got on top of me, Crushing me and forcing yourself in me? Did you not see my tears falling endlessly while i begged you to stop? My heart fell right off its normal place. My pain and anger all in a nutshell until eventually i ran out of air and fainted. You robbed me of my pride and left me alone in the cold night. How could you be so heartless? Is this what you call love? the love Christ has for the church? I lost my ground and fell for your words but Not even the angels above can Describe such love for it is not love.” Help me reach out to her because I am ashamed of my actions. Am not asking her back. Am just asking that she finds it in her sweet heart to forgive me for my evil deeds. Fred is my name and as i lie on my bed, this is my word. I really am sorry and am afraid. please baby, if you see this, text me :( Onemind.