Bitter lessons

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of growing up, Of being a teen, of filling the cup. I longed for a phone, lipstick, high heels, To be like the women on film reels, Those I admired, oh so much. Time listened but ignored my plea, Now here I am, questioning me. No more lipstick, no more shoes, Wearing red lips feels like a ruse, Heels make me tall, too much to be seen, I don’t fit the world I’d once dreamed. Now makeup hides my face with care, With a fear that lingers everywhere. As a child, I wanted to be As pretty and smart as on the screen. But teen years hit, and truth is stark, Never thin enough, never hit the mark. Beauty’s privilege means so much, Though inclusivity they preach and such, Nobody cares if you're not thin or pretty, Not famous, just lost in this city. Childhood promises break like glass, Reflections of dreams that didn’t last. The world tells me I’m not enough, Dreams turn nightmares, reality tough. I wanted to be a princess, a star, But the mirror shows flaws, fears that mar. Wanted strength, wanted to be bold, Now just hiding from the world so cold. In films, women have no fears, Their perfect lives bring me to tears. Here I sit in my small room, Fighting shadows, dispelling gloom. Heels to feel tall, now they just taunt, Too noticed, too seen, it’s not what I want. The child within me screams for love, Answers, acceptance, a sign from above. The world demands change, says I’m not enough, Dreams of admiration turn to wanting love. Childhood dreams now ashes that drift, Growing up’s chains, so heavy to lift. Wanted to be someone else, it’s true, Now I just want to be simply me, too. Without fear, without the weight of eyes, Free from judgment, free from lies. Dreamed of being a shining star, Now I seek my light, near, not far, Hidden beneath layers of insecurity, Wanted to be movie-perfect, Now just want to be perfectly me. The girl in me didn’t know the cost, Growing up means innocence lost. The world demands so much for so little, But here I stand, learning to love me, brittle. When I was young, I dreamed of growing, Now I dream of simply being, Being who I am, strong, free, Real, authentic, just being me.