Bitter Golden Pill

I'm living life stuck in the past To see the light where I lived only dark A marathon like a walk in the park That's my perspective on the past A wind chime's song in a hurricane The greatest pleasure from the deepest pain And crappy times all feel like blasts It's a bitter little pill The kind when you don't swallow fast enough The taste of advil and a blind man's bluff And leaves you shaking with the chill Finding meaning where it's all gone wrong Doesn't mean much when all of these songs Repeat forever, ever shrill I'm in a static wonderland What could I tell you about this whole year Beyond the fact that I can't shake these fears That have me grasped within their hand You know it's bad when I'm calling for her The kind of death I can't say I'd prefer Yet at the moment sounds so grand So does it matter anyway? Won't I look back on these blurry days Far in the future with my heart ablaze And retread this tired old cliche? And so tell me, when does this all end? Cursed forever to repeat these trends And live eternally in gray I'm falling deep into the sky Endless waves of green amongst the blue Forever reaching out for a redo And retread all my paths as I To take advantage of the things I've learned Repair the bridges that may have been burned And save ourselves the need to cry Hello there, I'm you from beyond Tell me, how's this world of solid gold? What's it like to never have known cold? Are you treasuring these bonds? All the things that I want you to know I couldn't say before I'd have to go So know, you live for all I've longed.