Billy Mcwhiffy - Slightly Vulgar

Billy McWhiffy Billy McWhiffy needed to fart But there was a lady pushing a cart Once she’d passed by and he thought he might bust He readied himself for an almighty gust But his belly was swollen with gas he’d amassed And if he let rip, whole towns might be gassed But he had to let go though he feared for his heart And worried that farting might tear him apart So Billy decided he shouldn’t eat beans As he put rubber bands round the legs of his jeans He reckoned that this was a wise thing to do For if he let rip he would probably poo But banding his jeans meant he had to bend down And a fart thundered out with an explosive sound It spattered the horse and the bulletproof vest Of a mounted policeman who made the arrest So Billy McWhiffy was slung in the clink And prisoners gagged at the ungodly stink And Billy’s new cell-mate started to yell When putrid brown liquid sploshed all round the cell The warden rushed in with a whopping great cork But the ground was so splattered he struggle to walk The cork had been pulled from a bottle of wine But it plugged Billy’s butt and it fitted just fine So Billy McWhiffy kept it inside ‘I’ll never blow raspberries again’ He lied When up for parole and release was denied Well, then he let rip... blew the gates open wide So Billy McWhiffy went on the run Becoming a legend for using no gun He’d smother his victims and when he was done He’d simply say ‘Get out of that one, my son’