Being happy, shouldn't be scary

Being happy scares me. The thought that at any moment something can just wipe it all away. So happiness has always been a playmate I never invited over when playing Red Rover. It’s always been this thing that was a stop sign away. The sun is high but too far to brighten my day. Like if I turned just a little to the right depression would be there, smiling waiting to say hi. Always welcomed me, which is probably why I can only get so far away as my GPS has had it marked as home since I was about 8. This familiar place. It sheltered me during a time when I felt displaced. Ignored. Forgotten wanting to be erased. It fit the plot of my life that was being fed to my psyche with oppressive thoughts day to day. Child from a broken home, consumed by sadness she felt unhealed and alone. If I was ever happy surely everyone would know. It would be hard to explain without anger which is my past M O. But Even so, happy was a stranger I never got to know. So as an adult when this unfamiliar feeling causes me to choke, I somehow manage to get a glimmer of hope, because happiness has made a way back to me it wasn’t smooth it was rocky. It’s like it was just waiting for me to see I deserve to smile. I shouldn’t be afraid to be happy because it will come and it will go. It’s being OK when it's gone and embracing it when it comes back, which can sometimes be slow. Because one of the wonderful things about living is, you never really know and you need to be ok with that. So don’t be scared to let your smile out, be kind to everyone even when kindness you feel without. Happiness is the best medicine, it's free. We just have to let our guard down long enough, to let happiness into you and me.