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Bastards I Have Met

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They come in all shapes and sizes, some wear badges and some disguises. Some I remember and some I forget but here are some bastards I have met… The dumb bastard (duh, a clueless stupid ignorant bastard) The sly bastard The lucky bastard The greedy bastard The silly bastard The cold bastard (perhaps better known as a heartless bastard) The stubborn bastard The whinging bastard The bad bastard The rat bastard The lazy bastard (not to be confused with the fat bastard) The dirty bastard The ungrateful bastard The mad bastard The ruthless bastard The cocky bastard (much the same as an insufferable bastard) The cheating bastard The ugly bastard The clever bastard The real bastard The mean bastard (a less nasty version of the evil bastard) The two-faced bastard The lying bastard The thieving bastard The old bastard The total bastard (yep, just a proper complete and utter bastard) The grumpy bastard The wild bastard The bloody bastard The f-ing bastard A right bastard (truly delights and revels in his bastardry) Now I won’t name and shame you cos I know I can be a bastard too. But that’s between me and my Maker and I pray it’s not a deal-breaker! Written: June 2025

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David Kavanagh

Date: 7/2/2025 4:21:00 AM

Well you have certainly done a great job in bastardising this poem together Keith, but you forgot the (handsome bastard) possibly the most hated of all bastards, Lol! Cheers David

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 7/2/2025 5:23:00 AM

Agreed. Slippery slope.

David Kavanagh
Date: 7/2/2025 5:15:00 AM

That could be interpreted as a wannabe bastard, we’re getting into dangerous territory here!

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 7/2/2025 5:04:00 AM

I myself would prefer to be an exceptional bastard rather than an average one. If I’m going to do something I like to do it well.

David Kavanagh
Date: 7/2/2025 4:54:00 AM

I’m pretty sure your bastard list is not exhaustive, only an arrogant bastard would ever admit to being a handsome bastard, I’m just your average bastard lol!

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 7/2/2025 4:41:00 AM

So you’re saying I’m a forgetful bastard? Yep, you’re right, I hate those handsome bastards. Cheers to you too…unless you are one.lol

Ink Empress

Date: 6/26/2025 6:27:00 AM

I dont know why this made me laugh dear keith! Its quite funny. Haha! I like humor like this! I prefer to call them another B word. I know few nice B's and some annoying ones too! Well written and delivered. This was a fun read. I might read it again later. Sending you light always

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 6/26/2025 7:10:00 PM

Glad you liked it. Only a humourless bastard wouldn’t. Lol

Beej Simrov

Date: 6/25/2025 9:13:00 PM

The worst bastard I have ever encountered is myself...we come in all shapes and sizes, though I'm not sure which I am in the list...which are you?

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 6/25/2025 9:38:00 PM

Too many to mention lol.

Arlo Parker

Date: 6/17/2025 12:05:00 PM

A lot of folks with questionable parenting heritage.

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 6/17/2025 4:19:00 PM

Yep, but even David was a bastard when he sent Uriah to the front lines to be killed so he would be free to marry Bathsheba. We are all redeemable. Cheers

I Am Anaya

Date: 6/17/2025 10:23:00 AM

Pray hard, dirty B.......irdy. lol. ty for sharing

Keith D Trestrail
Date: 6/17/2025 4:12:00 PM

My only hope is that there will be bastards in the Kingdom. If not, I’m screwed! Cheers

Keith D Trestrail

Date: 6/17/2025 3:32:00 AM

Not directed at anybody on the Soup. I think most of us have met a similar bunch of reprobates along the way. Some of my best friends were, and are, bastards. Lol