Ballad of the Senior Brigade

Well it’s one o’clock on a Tuesday The regular crowd wanders in There’s an old broad Sittin’ next to me Wonderin’ which room she’s in She says, “Girl can you join me for bingo? I don’t really like playin’ alone But I’ll pay for your cards and a table And oh yeah, turn off your phone" Now Marge in the cafe is a friend of mine She always brings chips for a treat And she colors with pens and pulls up her Depends But at three she goes upstairs to eat She says, “Honey, this coloring’s killing me My arthritis kicks up pretty bad Well I’m sure that my hands would feel better If I could just stay in my pad." Oh, la, la-la, di-di-da La-la di-di-da da-dum Now Ellen is a would-be novelist She writes things that I never read And she’s talkin’ to Mary, who’s allergic to dairy And swears that the roaches come here to breed. And the manager practices jumping jacks As the residents watch in the lobby They’re sharing some punch That’s left over from lunch And they’re trying to find a new hobby Sing us a song, you’re the Senior Brigade Sing us a song right now We have limited time to hear you Cause we’re goin’ inside for some chow It’s quite a large crowd for a Tuesday And the manager sports a big grin Cause she knows for a fact that it’s all been an act And it’s really a prison we’re in And the piano sounds like it’s out of tune As the keyboardist tries to play And the people sit at their tables And say just look at Mabel She’s talking about passing away Oh, la, la-la, di-di-da La la, di di dah, dah, dah So crank up the tunes, we’ll play bingo And who volunteers to call? Let’s ask one-eyed Murray Since we’re in no big hurry He’s shy but he gives it his all