Johneta Ohler Poet Spoken Word

Back Burner No More

I thought I was ready.
I really did.

I thought I wanted love,
thought I was healed enough
to hold someone’s hand
without holding my breath.

But then I realized…

I still have the habit
of shrinking my worth
to fit inside
someone else’s half-effort.

I still have the habit
of accepting attention
like it’s affection.

Like a text back
is a love letter.
Like consistency
is too much to ask for.

And maybe that comes from the fact
that I entered this world
already missing something.

A father gone 
before I could even learn
what it feels like
to be chosen first.

So I grew up watching people settle.
Watching women call survival a relationship.
Watching the bare minimum get dressed up
as commitment.

And somewhere along the way
I started believing
that love was supposed to feel like…

waiting.

Like being almost wanted.
Like being an option.
Like being convenient.

But I am not convenient.

I am not someone’s “maybe later.”
I am not someone’s “when I’m lonely.”
I am not a placeholder
until something better comes along.

I am not your second choice.
Not your third.
Not your last thought
at the end of the night
when the world gets quiet
and you suddenly remember
I exist.

No.

I am worth more
than being pushed
to the back of someone’s mind
like an unfinished task.

I am worth more
than being loved in secret
and ignored in daylight.

I am worth more
than being kept warm
on the back burner
while you decide
if I’m worth serving.

I will no longer audition
for a role
I was born to deserve.

I will no longer mistake
attention
for intention.
Because love…
real love…
does not make you question your place.
It does not make you beg to be seen.
It does not make you feel
like you are too much
for asking
to be held properly.

So no…
I’m not rushing into anything.
I’m not settling anymore.
I’m not accepting crumbs
and calling it a meal.

I am not the back burner .
I am the whole damn fire.
And if you cannot meet me there…
then don’t reach for me at all.

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