Notes About The Poem

If it weren't for conversations Arthur and I are having on the subject, I don't think I would have had the courage to talk about it here. So, thank you Arthur Vaso :)

Autism

I rise at the center of...
Is it a room? This is a face.
There is motion, too fast, too clamorous.
Cryptic and opaque. Shapes shift
into my field of view.
Recognize! The message spoken
ends in an upward curve.
Interpret! It means a question

?                         ?                            ?                          ?    

                                 What to respond, when....
                                 I get nauseous.
                                 My body twitches, my mouth tics
                                 I make no sound
                                 I cannot speak.
                                 I cast my eyes down.

Curl up, arms wrapped around self;
Rock to calm down again;
Count the tiles;
Hum Rachmaninoff.

                               What is this incomprehensible life?

My soothing world is filled with letters and words,
a keyboard, screen, and silent friends
They speak to me in sentences and formulas
of friendship and love...
on my screen..

I am afraid
         I am always so very afraid
                     Once I was somewhere else
                                    Locked up inside
                                                    My head

                                                                Once I was somewhere else
                                 I will not go back there
I want to stay out.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

Poem

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Allison Avatar
May 26, 2020 at 2:44 PM
so good to see this posted on the home page Darren, you are a remarkable young man and have found a lifelong friend in Art - miss you on soup:-) hugs Jan xx
Schwartz Avatar
August 13, 2017 at 5:48 PM
So glad you wrote this it helps me see inside or see another side, I wish for you peace and strength.. Beautiful Write :)
White Avatar
August 13, 2017 at 10:47 PM
Thanks so much Glen :)
Vinson Avatar
February 26, 2017 at 10:37 PM
Darren, this is beautiful. I think I understand a little, especially if I relax and take in your words - there is lots of time. I'm glad you wrote it, and that fear was overcome. We all are so complex, and usually there are many fears inside - I've done precious little and you are an inspiration. Yes, my friend, stay out, stay out here with us.
White Avatar
February 27, 2017 at 12:28 AM
I will, Doug. It's written to give people a one-time experience in how an autistic brain CAN work. I will stay out Doug, I'm doing well, thank you :)
Dietrich Avatar
February 25, 2017 at 7:11 PM
It's very sad that so many today live with this condition, Darren. I think you expressed well what must be going through the minds of some of them so afflicted! You have an empathetic soul.
White Avatar
February 26, 2017 at 12:47 AM
Thank you, Andrea. It is quite hard to express the things that are common to you, but strange to the outside world :)
Johnson-Saunders Avatar
February 25, 2017 at 4:10 PM
Wow, Darren! This is an incredible expression of feelings and a glimpse into the lives of many. Thank you so much for sharing. I have two family members (both children) on the spectrum, one is verbal and one isnt. Your poem helps me understand their struggles. Thank you again for sharing some of your story...to my FAVES! Hugs, Rhonda
White Avatar
February 26, 2017 at 12:47 AM
I am glad I have been able to help you a little bit. Thank you for the fav :)
Merryman Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:58 PM
An amazing write, and so creatively informative. My grandson has high-functioning autism. He's the sweetest little boy but has trouble relating to others and making friends. Blessings, Kim
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 10:54 PM
Yes exactly Kim, that is very difficult. Thank you :)
Murray Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 5:31 PM
This explains your genius Darren. Autism brings with it such wonderful gifts. I am so thrilled you have literally come out of your box to communicate with us in such a dazzling way. Glory be!! He has been set free!!
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 10:52 PM
O hai Jean :) I am glad I can out of my box, and got to know you and all others here :)
Smith Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:14 PM
Gorgeous poem. I was just reading of an autistic boy from neighborhood going to the world championships for speed skating in the special Olympics...a wonderful accomplishment
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:23 PM
Yeah! All the noise, light, people, distraction. The world is far too loud when you're autistic and the effort to participate is indescribably tiresome.
Allison Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 10:48 AM
You bring us into YOUR world Darren - thank you for this enlightening piece - i wish more people would read it then maybe more would understand the frustrations of an autisitic person - having worked with Asperger's students for 16 years I do have a little insight into this theme and know how confusing the world can be to them:-( hugs jan xx
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 10:58 AM
Thanks Jan. If it weren't for your help, this Asperger would have run away from Soup screaming and flailing :) I can never express in words how much your humour and patience have helped me.
B. Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:56 AM
Darren this is an excellent piece. You have a voice that so many of us here treasure. You're a true artist, teacher and incredible person. A definite fav.
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 9:00 AM
Carol, I am humbled and thankful :)
Lamoureux Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:55 AM
Tremendous and so effective. I am impressed!
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 9:00 AM
I am awed that so many people appreciate this, I was afraid to write about it to be honest... Thank you!
Ella Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:31 AM
I love how you put the reader into the thoughts of autism. So well done!
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:43 AM
Sara, thank you, my friend <3
Pett Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:28 AM
I bow to your knowledge and talent regarding writing poetry Darren, excellent poem, a 7 and fav. for me.
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 8:42 AM
WoW Roy, thank you SO much for this!
Sands Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 7:03 AM
Very well expressed Darren. Your talent for writing is a gift :)
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 7:21 AM
Heidi, thank you. I am glad you like this!
Green Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 6:43 AM
Once again your talent shines and your ability o poetic expresses a feeling or describe a theme is extraordinary. No wonder Jean Murray wrote that beautiful Acrostic for you.
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 6:52 AM
Jean did, didn't she? I am so touched... And now she has to win the contest of course ;) Thank you for your words and your compliments, my friend. Sometimes I wonder: shall I write about this? Is it not too much? Will it push people away? But seeing the reactions I think it is good.
Thirtyseven Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 6:19 AM
You have written a fabulous poem, a poem that lets the reader experience a different perspective. Well done. An enlightening read.
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 6:21 AM
Thank you very much for the compliment!
Ricci Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 5:04 AM
Allow me to let you entry stand. Your words not to mention your layout and formatting describe this situation. I have a friend who has a child of this and also a family member. Bless the children and the parents too. Their wold is unique. Well done
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 6:20 AM
Hello Lisa, thank you. If you can recognize this, it is mission accomplished for me :) It's incredibly difficult to give someone a quick view into your life or your head. So, again, thank you.
Pigeon Tart Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:38 AM
The best poetry lends the reader to experience what the poet feels; you have accomplished this beautifully. A 7 for this brave and honest write, and a warm thank you for sharing. :) Maureen
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 3:08 AM
Maureen, thank you so much for the compliment and the 7 :)
Wolf Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:22 AM
My friend has an autistic 3-year-old son, he is such a delight, I just love him to pieces! He'll be a genius I reckon, can already count to 100 and knows his alphabet backward. Such great insight in this poem, Duir.
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:37 AM
You know that it is even quite hard to put it into words in such a way that it is still poetry? Heh. Thanks Budgie.
Herlihy Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:19 AM
Fear not. So long as you have a poem within you, you have nothing to fear. John
White Avatar
February 24, 2017 at 2:35 AM
I luckily will always have poems in me. I connect through poetry. Thanks John :)
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