At War With Himself

His screams are deafening, but his smile warms me from head to toe He’s in constant battle with himself. Why can’t he let it go? What torments his mind would leave you asking, what’s the big deal? But to him, these struggles are all too real “We’re out of waffles,” “we missed the bus,” “Our plans have changed”; it all causes a fuss. “You lied!” he yells and he believes it to be true. To him, everything is black and white, as simple as 1+1 = 2 For him, plans don’t change. Instead they were never to be. He blames others for allowing the changes to happen, because he’s unable to see, that some things are out of our control, no matter how much we prepare. Does he not realize all the factors that contribute or does he just not care? He sees things much differently than you and I This can be a glorious thing, but it can also make me want to cry He has such an amazing eye for detail and it shows in his artwork But if things don’t go his way he can be an incredible jerk I remind myself that he can’t help the way he reacts He has ADHD and Anxiety Disorder; these are the facts His outbursts drain me; in body and mind And leave his little brother crying, “Can we rewind?” It breaks my heart that I can’t do more. He’s a brilliant little boy, but his brain is at war. He worries more than any parent would. I wish there was a way to make him see that stressing doesn’t do any good. He’s constantly working things out in his head. Which makes it quite a challenge to get him to go to bed. Unable to sit through a movie without multiple discussions about it, His topics twist and turn, spanning the gamut. He calls himself stupid, even threatens suicide. His inner battles not only cause explosions, they also make him want to hide. Fear of embarrassment and exile help him to contain his explosions at school. But in the safety of his home, he has no concerns of acting the fool. What I can provide him are boundaries, love, and support. I need to maintain my patience and prevent my fuse from becoming short. “Try Harder” is not an expression I frequent. He’s trying as hard as he can to be decent. Instead we have an agreement that we’re both allowed to make mistakes. As long as we apologize and continue to try, growth can never come too late.