At Bay
Where do the hours go
As night turns to dawn
Sleep sits outside this gate
It’s there if I’ll let it in
With sword and shield
I fight to keep it at bay
I’ve not known why
I just don’t unlock the door
Let it come inside
And wash over me
Until today
Until just now
Even though we talk
Even though I see you
Your head isn’t resting
On the pillow beside me
Leaving your scent behind
My covers don’t drape you
Your arms aren’t around me
Your breath isn’t in my ear
Your heartbeat I can’t feel
When the sun peeks in
The morning after
It doesn’t shine on you
And again I wake up
To only a empty spot
That beckons you every night
For weeks it’s been this way
I never knew why I fought
Why I let sleep sit outside
Until today
Until just now
I hold the pillow
Because I can’t hold you
Your scent no longer lingers
The covers lay lifeless
No one embraces me
The only sound is me breathing
Sound of only one heart beating
Another morning
Another reminder
As the sun shines through
That you aren’t here
If maybe just maybe
I talk to you longer
Seeing you through a screen
Might not make it so hard
To wake up in the morning
Might not toss and turn
Rolling over to feel
The absence of you
So with sword and shield
I will stand guard at the gate
Outside sleep will remain
Until the day comes
Where absence is filled
With you next to me at night
Then and only then
I will put down my shield
Surrender my sword
And open the gate
To let sleep come in
Engulf me while in your arms
And waking up in the morning
To the sun kissing your face
Then and only then
Will I let sleep in
Copyright © A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley | Year Posted 2010
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