As the Memories Come Back

As the memories come back,
My mind they attack.
It seems they come non-stop,
As my morale, it does drop.
I do not know if they are real.
Is it just something that I feel?
What to do when they come,
Of that, I feel so dumb.
Sometimes my mind quickly races
While it chases exact faces.
If it is really true,
Then from it I withdrew.
I'm hiding in a dark cloud,
While inner voices are very loud.
They tell me to cry,
But my eyes, they stay dry.
I can not let anyone see
How these thoughts effect me.
I can never admit
When happy feelings I get.
For when these I do feel,
The negative does quickly steal.
Really I'm sad
Though I try to look glad.
I'm so afraid of what they'll think
If into the depths I do sink.
However, they say,
"Tell us right away."
But inward I object,
For myself I want to protect.
Part of me can not trust,
Although they say it is a must.
I've been let down before.
Who can say what is yet in store?
Nobody can be aware
If my emotions I do not share.
Should I bear it all?
Would that be my downfall?
I need to take it slow,
And find which way to go.
Do I continue to hold it in
And go on a further downward spin?
Or do I work for a release
That the bad thoughts would now cease?

Copyright © Valerie Swartz | Year Posted 2006

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