As My Blood Runs Red, What I'M Actually Thinking

The gentle caress
The soft easy slice
I hold my grip with one hand
On reality
On the object
On the cold 

But as it slowly caresses the inside of my hand
I realize that no one should have to stand
For this kind of torture

But I continue
Because the impulse
The urge
Won’t quit

The outrageous need
To let it out
To let the pulsing
Ache
Subside

And to think that my heart
Has the audacity to continue
Beating
Even after my realization 
Is absurd

It races
Faster than a bolt of lighting
Begging
For me to split the seam

And I have too
Because I’m so used to the routine
That the longer it goes on
The worse it gets

So as my membrane runs red
And the pounding subsides in my head
I promise myself I’ll never do it again
But I’ve made that promise countless times before
And broken it.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2014

Poem

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