As Long As I Obey

My favourite bunch of flowers with a loving little note, he didn’t mean to hurt me was the message that he wrote. I know that he is sorry, he tells me every day, so a happy loving house wife is the role I still convey. No one knows our secret or the shame I sometimes feel and his sudden angry outburst’s are what we keep concealed, I tell my friends and neighbours I had a clumsy fall and cover up the damage with a picture on the wall. I know he really loves me, he tells me every day, “It’s no one else’s business,” is what he’d always say. If I ever tried to leave him, he said he’d take his life, “Until I take my dying breath, you’ll always be my wife.” It’s like treading over egg shells, always careful what I say but I know he really loves me, he told me yesterday. He starts out calm and peaceful but I know the rage is near, then a sudden storm of anger consumes the house with fear. A slave to rage and anger is all that I’ve become, I’ve been stripped of all my dignity and emotionally I’m numb. My thought are vague and scrambled, fear and guilt are in control, while anxious desperation now has a strangle hold. I know he really loves me, as long as I obey and the bruises I’ve been given are the price I have to pay. I’m petrified by just his stare and it chills me to the core, My stomach churns, my nerves are frayed, I can’t take it anymore. “I’ll love you until the day I die” Is what he’d always say, It doesn’t matter anymore, I left him yesterday.