As I Am

I'm going to be the teacher, and put myself to the test, To all who knows me well....I'm not better than all the rest. Not the smartest..or the coolest....the person with self-hate Even after 25 years of life...can't even get into....the social gate. I have self esteem issues that can't go away, Meeting the coolest people in the world, but they can't seem to stay. I always rise to the top....to find my place in the world, with each step that I climb...my pain starts to curl. I do make big mistakes that I try to fix in my life, Every-time I think i get it...I kill it with a rusty knife. So far, I hurt the ones who i love most of all, they can't seem to trust me..and that's the writing on the wall. My feeling are so dear to me, I don't know what to think. Sitting alone with no support......mind and heart can't sync. So I ask this question ....To those who live, Is it so hard for those to Forgive?