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As a Child

As a child, I heard the terrors of the night, it was another fight. The days were long and I just tried to be strong. A drunk mom and dad. Oh, what a life I had. A savior unknown, I was a kid who felt alone. Tring to protect adults was hard. It left me completely scarred. Bruised inside and out. I was a kid who lived in doubt. Everyday called a different name. It was a deadly game. I was striving to survive yet, I was dead inside. It was like my life was a play. Everyone had a part for me. I was my mom’s savior so she didn’t have to see what my dad was doing to me. To him I was wife and honestly, I just wanted to take my life. Completely out of control. I became their mole. They were creating me to be poison that was not only killing myself, but those around me. The older I got the more I learned it’s better to run and the more I ran the more I found to hide the pain. My life was insane. I became the star in my own play. I had the power to keep people away. I used what I needed. Sex, drugs and alcohol which kept my scars from bleeding. The pain had subsided, the scars were numb. So, at the moment I felt I had overcome. Until realization hit that I couldn’t quit. I had turned into my parents. I was hooked. What in life had i overlooked. I needed help and I knew this, but I chased everyone away. I wanted out of the play. Watching my dad try and kill himself gave me hope and as crazy as that may seem. God’s love fell on me to the extreme. He gave me a chose that day to live or die. I chose him at least I would try. I tried to follow him before, but I missed the door. I didn’t know why this time would be different, but my heart didn’t feel the same. I knew it was the end of the deadly game. I had nowhere else to run, but little did I know this feeling in my heart had just begun. Many people came into my life a mom and sisters, who knew, I would have a new family. In the beginning, I knew them barely and I’ve learned to trust them fairly. I’ve learned to let go of my past and recreate a future with God that will last. Today is a new day and the old me has passed away.

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