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nette onclaud Avatar nette onclaud - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled ANONYMITY IN THE SUBWAY which was written by poet nette onclaud. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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The poem(s) are below...


Numb…jammed like rows of canned sardines, bodies avoiding faces labeled as print, ticket stubs, and coats on a 7 pm bullet train bound for home along dim lights on railways : shadows gaze blankly from tight decks cold frozen as still life masking their alienation through buried heaves under woolen scarves… And how passengers’ skin touching each other’s loneliness cringe in the tram without looking at each other’s eyes, as if iodized by the pang of forlorn gasps… nameless, alone, they grip on the hand-rests from a dreary night where roofs of anonymity blind them all empty, empty yet needing any warm stranger to exchange untold stories , hissing in the marrow of another rough evening so deafeningly silent… and they alight from the train station to wander again separately along damp alleys as the underground of invisibility and detachment remains withheld. Sadness Contest of Silent One 2/11/2017

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

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Date: 2/18/2017 12:26:00 PM
Well done here Nette, if you keep on like this they'll be making the bullet train spotting film..'

Date: 2/12/2017 4:13:00 PM
ah yes Nette, the joys of public transportation and its intermingled separation. Congrats on your placement in the contest

Date: 2/12/2017 10:30:00 AM
What an interesting subject, and a very vivid description that engages all senses. Congrats on your win, nette. Agnes

Date: 2/11/2017 12:35:00 PM
Congratulations! I have experienced this, 'witness observations on public transportation', but never have I succeeded taking the feel to words. I could only grab three: sad, gray and senseless. You did succeed and it is remarkable, Nette! All the best, all the days ... CayCay

Date: 2/11/2017 9:56:00 AM
Congratulations Nette! I can picture that feeling, which is great :)

Date: 2/11/2017 9:06:00 AM
An interesting take on the contest, it did not make me feel sad, but I like how you wrote it and the imagery you created of being a nothing among so many people.. we see so many people in the subway, so many with different stories, but we are far too concerned with our own lives.. Congratulations on your first place in the contest..

Date: 2/11/2017 12:28:00 AM
Well described in a train packed with people. I too wonder what make them tick. Lovely poem.

Date: 2/10/2017 7:42:00 PM
So close, yet so detached. Powerful write, Nette.

Date: 2/10/2017 3:53:00 PM
...but yet we build our walls. Stirring write, Nette. There are worker bees in every hive, are there not? Essential but anonymous.

Date: 2/10/2017 3:51:00 PM
- Your choice of words always impresses me - A wonderful poem, Nette - So many sad fates and untold stories .... the list is long - Good luck in the contest - Happy weekend :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Date: 2/10/2017 3:41:00 PM
Excellent, Nette! You expertly expressed the feeling of anonymity. This merits a very high placement! #7+ Hugs // paul