Animated Answering Machine

Beep! Yo! this GOD You most likely calling Cause time don got hard You either got yourself put in jail Got send to hell Or maybe things just not going so well But I’ll hear you out anyway If you got seriously injured Trying to be a hero press zero If you want forgiveness For what you’ve done Then press one If you got a life changing situation To make and you don’t know what to do Then press two If you want to be more like me But you’re a he/she Then press three If you’ve been masturbating or fornicating And woke up with a purplish sore Then press four If you’re barely breathing Barely alive Then press five If you’re currently being beaten With sticks Then Press six If your want salvation to get in heaven Press seven To find a GOD fearing soul mate or date Then Press eight If your calling to thank GOD and Everything is fine Then Press nine If none of your concerns have been on the count down Press pound But if you’re really tried of this Press the Asterisk And your call will be sent to the next available Divinitive representative If you’re calling to ask GOD for some money to barrow 100 year is only a day to GOD So hold your breath if he says He’ll call you tomorrow If you can’t get thought and you on crack Please hang up and call back