Alexithymia
Alex is not an ordinary woman
troubled with depression and autism
struggling with transgender identity
she lives in her own world
a bubble of disorientation and discomfort
unable to reach out to others
when pain gets unbearable
and as days and insomniac nights pass by
she hovers on the brink of suicide and self-harm
not able to express the emotions that torment her
the inner world resembles a mine field
shrapnel and debris galore
short fuses ready to light
a smouldering battle ground
guns and grenades blazing
as she fights her own battle
against her persona and mistaken belief
of being unworthy guilty and at fault
when in reality she is own of the most beautiful people
you will ever be blessed to meet
phone calls unanswered
messages unread
a vacuum of no responses
echo of darkness
at lightning speed of despair
it does not help her
that I can feel her pain
reason her plight
absorb some of her confusion
could carry some of her baggage
take the weight of her shoulder
my own issues are
mostly luxury problems
some dealt by life with uncertain blows
others of my very own making
my swedges and brawls are light weighted affairs
moderate melancholia offers a strange comfort zone
on their own and I should not have to
complain about lack of purpose
when all my material needs are easily met
and a slump here or their seems near insignificant
and yet I wish sometimes
that just for a few moments
I could simply reflect
and thereafter feel nothing at all
08th February 2023
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