Alexander and Me

Remember the children’s book,
“Alexander and the Terrible, 
Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”? 
Well, yesterday was mine.
Started off okay, got up late,
Got our breakfasts, dressed, made the beds.
Cleaned the cat litter
And found that SweetiePie, 21 years old, 
Had missed the box again
And dragged herself through the results.
Washed the cat, cleaned the floor.
Oh, well.

Tried to order a prescription on line. 
An hour and a half later 
After endless instructions 
Via phone and e-mail,  
Telephoned in the prescription. 
Ate some ham and cheese, rolled up,
Took Andy (our Bernese mountain dog)
For a two mile walk.
Went to the grocery store. 
Returned to find Andy
Throwing up breakfast on porch. 

Leaves! Andromeda leaves!
Many, many Andromeda leaves!
How could he have reached the bush
From the porch?
Never mind. Out to the vet.
Another barf in the car.
Medicine and many barfs at the vet’s
IV for dehydration.
Two bottles of charcoal.
Home again. 
Covered furniture with cotton blankets, 
Sat down.
Immediately Andy
Ran through the living room
And dining room, leaving a wake
Of liquid charcoal puddles.
Got him out on the porch, 
Where he deposited lots more
Liquid charcoal.

Mopped up the rugs, threw            
Pails of water on the porch,
Left Andy outside for a while.
Let him in and fed the cats,
After washing SweetiePie
For a second time that day.
Today, wash the porch,
Vacuum and shampoo the rugs.
Alexander has nothing on me!

humorfree verse

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