After These Things

I ask myself do you really believe this, are you buying this. Only a fool asks no questions about what he's following, even Solomon in all his wisdom he still fell hard and shamed the name of God...looks like I'm following after my ancestry, I'm walking ass backwards I'm nothing more than a Christian atheist I'll admit it, so I try to dig myself out this bottomless pit because still at the end of this tunnel is forgiveness if I can repent this, I'm a train wreck. But sometimes you gotta go threw hell in order to be able to witness that Heaven isn't a fictitious place, sometimes you gotta go threw a little hell to show someone that after these things your sins too can be erased and God's grace hasn't left you stranded. I'm not right and it feels like everyone knows it, this heart I have isn't right it's been long overdue for me to dispose it, conviction leaves your heart & emotions exposed, but still after these things there's still hope. No matter what good deeds I do or how Holy I think I am I'm still not good enough, I came too far to give up now, time to refocus on the mission ahead, this flesh is destructive and man still needs that living water and daily bread