After

Since forever I've wanted to disappear, Death is something I long for not something I fear, For forever I've been imagining how life would be, If flames turned me to ashes or if I became one with the sea. They'd be devastated maybe for a month or two, Then they'd be really happy, no more feeling blue, They'd be happy that I finally chose to die, So it doesn't really matter if there's a cloud less in the sky. They'd read all my notes, all my secrets would be unveiled, Everyone would see how horribly I failed, They'd be disappointed and angry maybe even pity me, But the cages would open and I know I would be free. They'd decorate and clean my grave, My presence they'd never crave, But maybe they'd cry and wonder what went wrong, And maybe for answers they would long. They'd move on with their life and forget I was ever there, and slowly and gradually they'll stop to care, they'd start to recover the once-taken space , and slowly and gradually they forget my face. And when I am gone there will be no one to remember me in pastel skies, No one to search my face in the butterflies, finally, unbothered I would take my eternal rest, so I guess it all probably was for the best. I finally pull the trigger I know I won't regret, My flowing blood pays my life's debt, And for the last time, I close my eyes, as I seal the letters with all my goodbyes. And hopefully, I'll be somewhere far away sleeping in the stars, where there'd be no more pain, no more suffering, no scars, The battles I fought till the end would finally cease, I'd be happy living in evermore peace