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Addiction - A Nightly Ritual

Although even in childhood, the nightmares sometimes came They grew far worse when Dan died, and I shouldered the blame He followed me when I chose to swim across a lake In the middle he cried out, “This swim I cannot make!” Engaged for just one day, wedding plans had not been made My attempts to save him will never from my mind fade It was then the nightmares came nightly; treatment I sought And I became reliant on the first pills I bought Amitriptyline, a well-known mood elevator Helped alleviate bad dreams, but my need grew greater I cannot sleep a wink without my medication I have tossed and turned and cried out to our Creator When I run out, I sometimes wish my life would soon end On nothing and no one do I desire to depend Even with the pill, I can wake up screaming at night But if you take them away, no dreams will I invite *Written August 22, 2014 by Carolyn Devonshire

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




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Date: 8/29/2014 8:58:00 PM
You shared and that is the beauty of inner strength. I know you will one day conquer your demons... Sending a hug and a warm smile. Verlena
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Date: 8/23/2014 9:33:00 PM
Dear Caroline: Yes, we each have our unique pain that no one knows about. And the medication prescribed often does little to help. Thanks for sharing your pain. I will remember you in my prayers. Leon
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Date: 8/23/2014 1:14:00 AM
This just goes to show that we don't know anything about other people and what they go through. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone Jesus is with you. Blessings... Lucilla
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Date: 8/23/2014 12:02:00 AM
How eerie, that dream and then becoming addicted to pills. A very interesting addiction I would not have guessed of you. I can GO to sleep but I wake up often after 4 or 5 hours and can't get BACK to sleep, so my doctor put me on a non addictive pill but I used it only thrice and it made it even WORSE, so I am just back to the Exedrin PM's. What is the answer. I just don't know.
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Date: 8/22/2014 11:20:00 AM
all my love and energy i send your way. God will show you the way. i am around if you need to lean. just write me. lots of love and care.
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Date: 8/22/2014 9:44:00 AM
"Addiction - A Nightly Ritual" is a painful ritual -remorseful awareness of guilt, the sign of depressive mood- probably a major depression. A constant journey against monstrous memories, subordination to pathological fear.Amitriptyline may help. I am also depressive. But now ok. I am using CENSPRAM 20 (Ascitalopram oxalate). Good luck. You depression will soon go away. RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY,poet (INDIA)
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Date: 8/22/2014 2:32:00 AM
Such a tragic event that lead to this addiction - my heart goes out to you:-( Good luck in the contest:-) Hugs jan xxx
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Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 8/22/2014 6:25:00 AM
Thanks, Jan. Dan was a wonderful child psychologist. When I lived in Tallahassee, I would visit the lake every year on the anniversary of his death. The nightmares were awful.
Date: 8/21/2014 11:35:00 PM
Very powerful... Many pills designed to help you can become addictive.... Hoping you are coping....love and hugs Tim
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Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 8/22/2014 6:27:00 AM
I can get by without most medications, but not the amitriptyline. At least it's not costly and has few side effects. I'm coping fine, my friend.