Abusive

Growing up with abuse, I didn’t have a voice Quieted thoughts because I didn’t have a choice Hidden wounds and scars that just won’t heal The pain is something that I tried to conceal Little did I know that it was right there on the brink That it was hindering my ability to clearly think I see the crimson red, tattooing my hand I see blacks and blues colored by my hand I want to stop doing this but I don’t know how I wish there was someone here to stop me now No one ever taught me how to love another And because of that, she’s the one that has to suffer I hear her cry out to me and beg me to stop As my fists make contact and I hear them pop Against her skin…why is this happening? Trying to stop this is so very challenging My past brings her tears that I purposely let fall And I stand back and do absolutely nothing at all I kick and punch and tell her she’s worthless I cause her pain because I cannot resist I hate her because she forces me to feel My hidden alter ego she causes me to reveal There is a part of me that hates doing this to her After each beating, something inside of me stirs I tell her I’m sorry but the words mean nothing She knows my repetitive apologies are void of loving Now I sit, shaking, while I pray over my Holy Bible Wondering how in the world can I break this cycle.