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Abc With Mummy - a Woman Scorned

A is for Ant (and for ass, your dad is an example of an ass)
B is for Bee (and for b*stard, your dad is a bast*rd - first class)

C is for Chicken (and for a word I don’t want to say - but see K)
D is for Dog (and also for Dynamite - which I’d like to shove up your dad’s... see A)

E is for Eagle (and for egotistical effing... see K... and C)
F is for Frog (and for Fu*ker, which your dad’s been doing with someone who isn’t me)

G is for Giraffe (and for Git - your dad is a Git... and he has two faces)
H is for Horse (and for Hard Up - which your dad was... in too many places)

I is for Insect (and for Insolvent, which thanks to me, he’ll soon be, with just one legal shove)
J is for Jellyfish (and Judas. Your Dad’s a Judas... with a rash from his illicit love)

K is for Kitten (and for making some words sound worse - see C)
L is for Lion (and Lobster, a creature with claws that belongs at the bottom of the sea - hmmm...)

M is for Mouse (and for machete and for manhood... which gives me an idea)
N is for Newt (and Nymphomaniac - neither should work at IKEA)

O is for Owl (and Optimistic, well, he thought that he left me fulfilled)
P is for Penguin (and for Philandering, at which your daddy is skilled)

Q is for Quail (and for Quickie, the best that your daddy could do)
R is for Rabbit (and Rampant - and once I got that, how did we get you?)

S is for Snail (and for Slug, which describes both your dad and his di*k)
T is for Tiger (and Torrid, your dad was this with some Randy chick)

U is for Unicorn (and Underhand, your dad was this night and day)
V is for Vole (and also VD, hence the rash that was listed in J)

W is for Worm (and for Merchant Banker, thats rhyming slang for your father)
X is for Xerus (and X-rated gel, I bet he’ll work up quite a lather)

Y is for Yak (and for Yesterday’s News, which is all your dad turns out to be
Z is for Zebra (and for Zeees, that his Nympho is catching, asleep next to me)


                                                        *

[Xerus is a genus of African ground squirrel]

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Rico Leffanta Date: 7/28/2021 11:23:00 AM Clever indeed as it seems to have received a "Pass" from Soup censors! Login to Reply Terry Flood Date: 7/28/2021 11:49:00 AM Thanks, Rico. Censors? When I put Fu*ker it was in place of funker... her husband liked a lot of funking, he liked his music you see and he’d funk about all over the place. D’ya reckon they’ll swallow it........ now, now, Rico that’s just plain disgusting ;-) Terry

Tom Cunningham Date: 7/28/2021 11:07:00 AM Lol, they should teach this in schools, kids might take an interest. Very creative Terry. Tom Login to Reply Terry Flood Date: 7/28/2021 11:52:00 AM Hi, Tom. Glad you enjoyed. Thus far, I’m not suspended, so maybe I got away with........

Terry Flood Date: 7/28/2021 5:00:00 AM Big oops! You’re all very polite... no one pointed out that I had used ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’ in the picture. Now corrected! Login to Reply

Eve Roper Date: 7/27/2021 8:23:00 PM hilarious, I am still laughing you are just something else a joy to read. Login to Reply Terry Flood Date: 7/28/2021 2:06:00 AM Glad you enjoyed this, Eve. I’ve lost count of how many times I took my finger off the submit button. Frankly even the worst word in there is used by the average eight year old, but there’s always somebody out there looking for something to be offended by. I did try to put a ‘warning’ in the title, but that stopped the picture showing (?) Terry

L Milton Hankins Date: 7/27/2021 6:47:00 PM Terry, this is absolutely hilarious. I loved it. It must have taken quite a while to come up with all of this. Masterful!!! Login to Reply Terry Flood Date: 7/28/2021 2:15:00 AM Hi, Milt. Glad you enjoyed this. Actually didn't take long to write... but an age to finally risk submitting it. I’d love to see an unashamedly unrestrained version actually on the bookshelves... if I could draw (and get away with calling myself Jilted Joan) I’d consider it... No I wouldn’t... self publishing is a foreign language to me. Terry

Jan Allison Date: 7/27/2021 3:35:00 PM omg this is bawdy for sure and I have tears streaming down my face, cant stop laughing!:-) hugs Jan - ABC - A Brilliant Creation! Login to Reply Terry Flood Date: 7/27/2021 3:45:00 PM Thanks so much, Jan. it’s another from the archives to plug my creative chasm. Had to seriously tone it down (for example, the original did NOT say Merchant Banker). I liked the idea of a scorned housewife mutilating her kid’s ABC book, but I wasn’t sure the ‘joke’ worked. Once I made the ‘photo’ I thought maybe I’d let it loose and see what happens. Terry