A Visit From Our Snobbish Relatives

The lunch dishes were still in the sink We were having cans of beer to drink Then came the sound we did abhor The opening of an automobile door “Just peek and see who’s out there. For any visitors, I sure don’t care.” My wife’s request I was quick to obey And what I saw brought me dismay It was my snooty cousin and her mate A visit from them I so intensely hate They never phone before they call To do that, I wouldn’t have the gall As soon as the two got inside, In her usual way she did deride “Oh, I see with no staff you’re getting by. Why helpless little me wouldn’t even try. I admire those who don’t feel they must Try to keep away every speck of dust.” “It’s sensible to have such a small place. A big house like ours is truly a disgrace. Everything here is so easy to reach, Like our A-frame cottage on the beach.” “And as soon as we did arrive, I saw your same car in the drive. In buying vehicles you have been wise We aren’t able to find such good buys.” “But like most of our best friends, We drive a new Mercedes-Benz. We should be sensible like you And make a ten-year-old Ford do.” “And do you still work for Sears? For investments you have no fears. I’ve thought it to be best for ages Just to work for regular wages.” “And, even with our huge portfolio, We worry where the market will go. “Where will you go on your vacation? We will go to another foreign nation. We think it will be Paris in the spring I’ve found you can buy most anything.” “Not that I would ever dare to gloat, But that’s where I got my mink coat. And the dress that I’m wearing now Was worth two thousand, I avow.” She said to my wife with a sneer, “Who is your courtier, my dear? Your outfit is so charmingly sweet. And your hairstyle is always neat.” Wife: “Oh, two I have of those They design all my clothes Always with them I’ve stuck Names are Sears and Roebuck.” “And my hair stylist as a rule Is a student at the beauty school. It’s because the cost is so low That to the place I always go.” Our visitor gave a pitying smile She had spewed enough bile On the time she splendidly checked Her watch with diamonds bedecked “Well, folks, we must be on the run. Visiting with you is ever so much fun. If toward our home you should begin, I’ll work so very hard to pencil you in.” And as the elegant two glided away, Both of us smiled and said, “Horray.” I hope we never come to have such wealth That we have such a high opinion of self.