A Thoroughly Modern Monster

A Thoroughly Modern Monster It’s hard to be a monster Living in a modern world. I’ve only got claws, not fingers, And can’t even unlock my phone… An Apple is no longer something to munch And Orange turned into Everything Everywhere. I now can’t eat runners for lunch As I can’t even bite through their lycra! It’s hard being a stylish monster When you’re bald, spotty and covered in slobber. I tried dating on tinder, but just got swiped left, So now I think I’ll just not bother. It’s impossible to buy clothes As I seem to scare the staff, So I’ve taken to living in the zoo Hiding naked near the giraffes. The animals don’t mind me. The elephants like my smell. If you spot me, do me a favour, Just promise me you won’t tell. Shhh! copyright Emily Joshua