A Redneck's First Bagel

A Redneck’s First Bagel By Elton Camp Old Bubba had spent his life in the hills Plain food and drink from whiskey stills So to the big city he decided he’d go For about other things he’d like to know He spent the night at the local YMCA For breakfast, to a café the next day Soon, Bubba had a bagel on his plate Because, on the menu, it looked great He tried to take a bite and then to cut “Man, thet’s shore a sorry donut!” “I never seen one thet hard and tough.” Bubba began to chew and had enough To the waitress, he began to bawl “This thang ain’t go no taste at all.” “I see why city folks air sick an’ pale. Th’ Devil made this donut down in hale.” So Bubba quickly packed up his gear “I hate sich food so I’ll git out of here!” So back to his home in the hills he fled “Don’t never go there,” to all he said “Fer I jest half to tell ye th’ truth On a donut I almost broke my tooth.”