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A Guinea Pig Is Dead

In 1985, we had three daughters. They were 5, 10, and 11. So life was fun, of course. Each daughter had a gerbil. Flopsy, Crumbone and Taylor. Don’t ask me which is which. They are rodents. I broke my leg on a Thursday. In 5 places, trying to ride a bike to the day care Center to pick up the 5-year- old because my Husband had the car, and the police will come Pick up the 5-year-olds who are left after 6. This is California, where everything is weird. My mom who had never flown on a plane, Flew out wearing wings pinned to her bosom on Saturday. It’s a wonder I wasn’t already dead. I was expecting that actually. By evening she had fought the dogs For their cooking pans full of water. These dog-food pans were soon sterilized and cooking spaghetti. And there was garlic bread too, hot, piping, out of an oven or something. Home-made food! My daughters were astounded. They thought food came from Styrofoam with restaurant Names on it. On Tuesday Mom was doing the 18,482 Pieces of laundry we had used the week Before, and she said, “Caren, come over Here.” I hobbled over on my crutches, Which was not easy. “I think a guinea pig is dead,” she whispered. I poked it with a hoe. It did not move. I poked it with a broom. Nothing still. We have to announce this Delicately, my mother said in Hushed tones of reverence. We did not mention it during breakfast. We did not mention it during lunch. My mother kept looking at me expectantly. By supper time after yelling for the three Girls to come downstairs, and being ignored I lost it and yelled, “A GUINEA PIG IS DEAD!” Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Wailing and keening began. “That was subtle,” my mother told me. Yes, it was.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018




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Date: 4/10/2018 1:15:00 AM
This is by far the best laugh all day, although I say that with the utmost respect for the deceased guinea pig. You can certainly deliver a fabulous story - your husband was correct, you excel at this....in fact, bugger the rules of poetry, I think they should name a Poem Style after you, the Krutsinger format! Love it.
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Leanne Lovejoy-Burton
Date: 4/10/2018 3:54:00 AM
I'm no poet.x I still think the Krutsinger format has a certain flair to it.
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 4/10/2018 1:27:00 AM
Thank you, Leanne. This is high praise from a fancy poet who uses all of the romanticallistically hither and yon types of words such as methinks I could never learn, whereas, I'm magestically impressed by EVERYTHING you write! Thank you, Leanne. Thank you HARD!
Date: 4/9/2018 6:39:00 PM
you are hilarious, caren! i enjoyed every word of this story and the delightful and very funny way in which you told it...
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 4/9/2018 8:42:00 PM
Thank you, Ilene. I play with children on a daily basis, and we howl with laughter. This keeps me totally un-serious and happy. My principal asked me today "when are you thinking of retiring?" i laughed and said,"I'm going out in a body bag when I'm 92. You can get rid of me sooner, but I love this job, so I'm still coming in every day, but you don't have to pay me."
Date: 4/9/2018 12:51:00 PM
LOL -what is there to say to this long funny tale where we can only hope some of it is stretched reality! Very funny, Caren.
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 4/9/2018 2:59:00 PM
Line, if this was any more true, my mother would read it and not laugh.
Date: 4/9/2018 12:28:00 PM
This is such an engaging story, it definitely drew me in and kept me reading! I love your style :)
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 4/9/2018 2:59:00 PM
Thank you, Becca. It's the only one I have, believe me.
Date: 4/9/2018 11:38:00 AM
you are a wonderful storyteller Caren and this is a great example of your poetry skills:-) Thanks for sharing:-) hugs jan xx
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 4/9/2018 12:06:00 PM
Thank you, Jan. It's always a relief when You also think it's poetry because I'm pretty new to this and I'm always fearful that it might not be.