A Fun Collaboration With Edward Mccall
My sweetest princess, I would never lie to you (except for when it keeps me out of trouble).
"As for my financial state, I am far wealthier than my magazine publishing family "McCalls". (no relation)
Princess:
"Dear, Can you explain?
You said a free subscription!
What is this invoice?"
I possess the wealth of a thousand Arabian Princes (live paycheck to paycheck) tucked away safely in my massive palace. (12 x 70 trailer)
Princess:
"I'm shopping new drapes
for the cathedral windows.
Is there a turret?"
I would shower you with expensive gifts from exotic places (like Walmart and Dollar General). I'll woo you with stories of my many travels (to far away towns looking for work).
Princess:
"Edward, I want gems.
Rubies, diamonds, emeralds.
You are filthy rich!"
I'll tell you how women should be worshipped (washing dishes and doing laundry). I'll cook you gourmet meals with the finest ingredients (pork and beans, Kraft macaroni and cheese and polska kielbasa).
Princess:
"I love shrimp creole
and fresh buttered Maine lobster
served on fine china."
Our love will be greater than the tallest redwood (clothes line pole). I'll take you on whirlwind cruises (around the local lake on my bass boat).
Princess:
"These redwood clothes pins
are simply fascinating.
They replace bobbers."
We'll winter in the bedroom (it's closer to the furnace and there's plastic on the windows). We'll summer in the living room (that's where the window air conditioner is).
Princess:
"Edward I'm concerned.
Can we winter in Cancun?
Furnace quit working."
Our life will be perfect (well sort of) but you'll start to wonder where I go three nights a week for hours on end. You'll soon discover that I'm living a secret life as a Walmart greeter.
Princess:
"Where were you tonight?
You said these were real jewels.
They are Walmart fakes!"
Despite this troubling revelation, our love will never end (until you suffocate me with my pillow and claim PMS).
Princess:
"Hey Edward, My dear.
You bought the cheap laundry soap.
Smell this pillow case!"
Of course you'll have to sell the trailer and boat to offset your legal fees, but you'll keep the Jeep. You love that thing.
Princess:
"I miss you Edward.
The trailer and boat are sold.
Jeep needs a muffler."
"For the attorney,
I leave behind the new drapes,
bought with my money."
(A birthday present for his wife).
THE MORAL OF THE STORY;
BE CAREFUL WHO YOU MARRY!
Copyright © Rhoda Tripp | Year Posted 2018
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