A Doctor's Personal Notes

A Doctor’s Personal Notes By Elton Camp See John Jones on my appointment list Several things on which I must insist Even though I know he’s doing just fine A few little tests won’t be out of line No X-rays since way last year Even though they came up clear It would be wrong if he is denied New pics from front, back, and side Also will do a check on his bone density To osteoporosis his wife has propensity Can make him think his might be thin Since the problem found among his kin He will not know to say “We don’t have same DNA Genetics come from those before Never from the wife you adore.” “And another thing, my man, Time you had a Cat Scan” He won’t know that needless radiation Can contribute much to cancer formation That test will show me why Jones should also have an MRI Picture will be so clear Every detail will appear Neither of those I know how to read But really think there will be no need If unexpected should come to pass Then I will have “covered my ass.” Also, it will doubtless be best To give him another stress test Though he is only thirty-five Heart trouble could arrive Then will come the next exam Little thing called arteriogram Though lack justification why To put into him all that dye Causing a stroke is very rare Of that risk he isn’t aware There’s no real reason why It should cause him to die Then check out every nook Give his colon a good look At his age colon cancer is so rare But refuse my advice he won’t dare Office visit fees are just not enough To pay for all the latest neat stuff What I have learned way before Real money is from tests galore Knew he has a fine medical plan I checked before his visits began If he didn’t prove to have that As patient, turn him down flat Insurance I truly love It is a gift from above Patient helped stay healthy While I grow more wealthy Nobody has any right to grouse Because I built a fine new house Long as I keep them coming back Every year can get a new Cadillac My wife I am about to divorce Will cost much money, of course In order for me to make it back Patient visits must stay on track “First, do no harm” Causes me no alarm If by true ethics I fail to abide Other docs will help me hide Need not fear being called to account Can charge Blue Cross just any amount Because I am a noble healer Not some sleazy double dealer