A Different Perspective

Spencer just turned 7 the other day. My wife and I adopted Spencer after many years of trying to add to our family the old fashioned way; then, after a few years of trying to add to our family the newfangled, medically assisted way. My three biological children from a previous marriage lived with us from the time they were 12, 10 and 6. By the time we got around to going the adoption route the two oldest were already in and out of college and the youngest was a senior in high school. No empty nest for us, just a fast train to insanity. I started my family, a story for another time, when I was just twenty-one. After being the youngest father of most of their peers, I was now going to get to experience being the oldest father this time around. People say that as an older parent you are more patient and understanding – I am not so sure that I agree; I just think fewer things bother you and you learn to realize that rules are not so important. Many times, I think, as parents, we simply enforce rules because we can. Spencer loves to dip his foods. He dips his mandarin orange slices in ketchup. He dips his French fries in caramel meant for apple slices. He dips his cheese in his yogurt. Basically, whatever we serve him, if it’s a solid, of any kind, it gets dipped in the soft, liquidy food that happens to be closest to him. Years ago, I probably would have not only tried to convince him that this was wrong, but I am pretty sure I would have forbidden him to do that. Now? What do I care? If he likes it and he eats his broccoli, what do I care that he dips it in his pudding? A few years ago, Spencer and I went on a father son excursion to buy him his first gold fish. I asked Spencer what he was going to name his fish and, after thinking about it for a while, he said, “I think I want to name him, Mmmgggghh.” I immediately responded, almost as a reflex action, “Mmmggghh? That’s not a name, that’s a sound.” Spencer, in his wonderfully innocent way, asked, “Why can’t a name be a sound?” Why, indeed? He loved Mmmggghh and loves telling people the story about his first pet. Now some of you may read this and think I am being too relaxed in my duties as a father. You may think that I should be teaching my son the “correct” way to do things – even as simple as how to eat and what not to mix or dip in what. Me? Nah. Instead, I wish to thank Spencer for teaching me to question the norms. Why can’t a name be a sound?