A Deranged Game of Chess

I used to think I wasn't equipped to handle heartbreak, But it seems like that's the only thing I'm good for as of late. I'm not sure what changed or when all my walls came crashing down, Leaving my heart vulnerable to my intrusive thoughts as they go round for round. Forget a suit, have the blacksmith forge a heart of armor, As I wait to see who delivers the final blow, causing their opponent to falter. Calculated risks becoming flawless counters to gut feelings wrapped in luck, A deranged game of chess, my thoughts the knight, my heart the hopeless rook. A lose-lose situation defined by mental illnesses and past traumas that go hand in hand, My head is filled with mixed thoughts and my heart with intrusive emotions that rendered me unable to take a stand. Bed ridden by my self consciousness and lack of self esteem, I utilize my resources and create worlds through my words that I know no one will read. "Healthy" coping mechanisms are nothing but a glorified suggestion, So I will continue to use metaphors and similes to help me handle my depression