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A Cheesy Line

If I walked up to you and said: Excuse me miss, but I had to come over and say that you are the most stunning, breathtaking woman I have laid my eyes upon. "Girl, if god made anything prettier, I hope he kept it for himself." (use a cheesy pick up line, a smile I see.) I had to spark conversation with you.. My name is Jared... Would you walk away? Jared Pickett 11/24/09 Asavvy1

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Richard Pickett

Date: 12/23/2009 8:06:00 AM

Wouldn't work for me Son.. I would never use it... But I am not you... The poem is very good..and asks a very serious question,,, How many women has it worked on for you ...lolol ...Dad

Mary Meade Stephenson

Date: 12/10/2009 11:51:00 AM

Depends on if there was true sincerity reflected in the voice...if not then I would laugh and walk away. Women know if a man is sincere or just trying to get him some...thanks so much for sharing~Mary

Daver Austin

Date: 11/27/2009 7:36:00 AM

"Walk away?... in your fantasy, NEVER! Thanks for reading my stuff. Love, daver

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 11/26/2009 5:29:00 PM

Soup Mail for Mr. JP alias Asavvy 1 "Sweetheart"

Raul Moreno

Date: 11/26/2009 12:08:00 PM

One must be a risk taker in order to accomplish anything. I like the boldness in this write, this makes a great ice-breaker, I wouldn't see why it wouldn't work, first you complimented her and now have her attention. The conclusion would be interesting...great work...Raul

Date: 11/24/2009 9:09:00 PM

Glad you liked my response and glad you accomplished your goal with my remarks. I'm having fun with this. That's a good thing. I'd be interested if you actually tested this line and got someone to fall for it. My advice is that if any woman believes this run! Ha! Ha! Karen

Date: 11/24/2009 7:02:00 PM

Probably wouldn't work for me but enjoyed it anyway. Actually, I mostly likely would have had a smart aleck come back, and we would have both ended up laughing. Not all that bad of a result. Thank you for taking time to comment on my poem. Karen

Doris Culverhouse

Date: 11/24/2009 5:27:00 PM

you've got me described perfectly!!--NOT I am funning you!! you never know what line will work, if the girl likes you too she might buy it!!

Caroline Cécile Delacroix

Date: 11/24/2009 5:05:00 PM

I wouldn't walk away without a thank you, then I might say, "might want to check your eyesight, ... all women are beautiful, particularly when they are happy"! :) Quite a cheesy poem, but then again, I like cheese. Thank you for your nice review on my latest poems. Have a nice thanksgiving. Caroline.

John Freeman

Date: 11/24/2009 1:32:00 PM

Must have worked Jared, two soup calls.Lol, Sincerely, Moses

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 11/24/2009 8:54:00 AM

Soup Mail call .. A savvy 1 ..

Moonbee Canady

Date: 11/24/2009 7:10:00 AM

No, I Would Not Walk Away ... (I Wouldn't Be Able To - My Knees, Would be So Clamped Together,(thinking of Womb-Raider-Line LOL LOL LOL!!!) ... Seriously, Tho' Jared , This Is A Beautiful Phrase Poem ... We Women Will Always be Weak for a perfectly-turned-phrase ... Love It ... Oh, and check your Soup Mail ... Got Something for you ... MoonBee

Sara Kendrick

Date: 11/24/2009 7:06:00 AM

Interesting line. Most women would see it was a line but the answer would depend on the woman. Keep the creative pen flowing. Sara

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 11/24/2009 6:43:00 AM

I would take out my "bread" and have u slap the cheesey on it... but being A savvy 1 u must know that already about "Sweetheart" ... check Soup Mail now..

Charmaine Chircop

Date: 11/24/2009 12:08:00 AM

This sweet poem made me smile..i guess that is a risk one should always take.she can walk away,but she could stay...love these cheesy lines,,hope she is reading them:) Charma