Jared Pickett Poet Free verse

A Cheesy Line

If I walked up to you and said:

Excuse me miss, 
but I had to come over 
and say that you are the most stunning,
breathtaking woman I have laid my eyes upon.
                        "Girl, if god made anything prettier, I hope he kept it for himself."
                                            (use a cheesy pick up line, a smile I see.)
I had to spark conversation with you..
My name is Jared...

Would you walk away?


Jared Pickett
11/24/09
Asavvy1

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Richard Pickett December 23, 2009 at 8:06 AM Wouldn't work for me Son.. I would never use it... But I am not you... The poem is very good..and asks a very serious question,,, How many women has it worked on for you ...lolol ...Dad

Mary Meade Stephenson December 10, 2009 at 11:51 AM Depends on if there was true sincerity reflected in the voice...if not then I would laugh and walk away. Women know if a man is sincere or just trying to get him some...thanks so much for sharing~Mary

Daver Austin November 27, 2009 at 7:36 AM "Walk away?... in your fantasy, NEVER! Thanks for reading my stuff. Love, daver

Linda-Marie Sweetheart November 26, 2009 at 5:29 PM Soup Mail for Mr. JP alias Asavvy 1 "Sweetheart"

Raul Moreno November 26, 2009 at 12:08 PM One must be a risk taker in order to accomplish anything. I like the boldness in this write, this makes a great ice-breaker, I wouldn't see why it wouldn't work, first you complimented her and now have her attention. The conclusion would be interesting...great work...Raul

November 24, 2009 at 9:09 PM Glad you liked my response and glad you accomplished your goal with my remarks. I'm having fun with this. That's a good thing. I'd be interested if you actually tested this line and got someone to fall for it. My advice is that if any woman believes this run! Ha! Ha! Karen

November 24, 2009 at 7:02 PM Probably wouldn't work for me but enjoyed it anyway. Actually, I mostly likely would have had a smart aleck come back, and we would have both ended up laughing. Not all that bad of a result. Thank you for taking time to comment on my poem. Karen

Doris Culverhouse November 24, 2009 at 5:27 PM you've got me described perfectly!!--NOT I am funning you!! you never know what line will work, if the girl likes you too she might buy it!!

Caroline Cécile Delacroix November 24, 2009 at 5:05 PM I wouldn't walk away without a thank you, then I might say, "might want to check your eyesight, ... all women are beautiful, particularly when they are happy"! :) Quite a cheesy poem, but then again, I like cheese. Thank you for your nice review on my latest poems. Have a nice thanksgiving. Caroline.

John Freeman November 24, 2009 at 1:32 PM Must have worked Jared, two soup calls.Lol, Sincerely, Moses

Linda-Marie Sweetheart November 24, 2009 at 8:54 AM Soup Mail call .. A savvy 1 ..

Moonbee Canady November 24, 2009 at 7:10 AM No, I Would Not Walk Away ... (I Wouldn't Be Able To - My Knees, Would be So Clamped Together,(thinking of Womb-Raider-Line LOL LOL LOL!!!) ... Seriously, Tho' Jared , This Is A Beautiful Phrase Poem ... We Women Will Always be Weak for a perfectly-turned-phrase ... Love It ... Oh, and check your Soup Mail ... Got Something for you ... MoonBee

Sara Kendrick November 24, 2009 at 7:06 AM Interesting line. Most women would see it was a line but the answer would depend on the woman. Keep the creative pen flowing. Sara

Linda-Marie Sweetheart November 24, 2009 at 6:43 AM I would take out my "bread" and have u slap the cheesey on it... but being A savvy 1 u must know that already about "Sweetheart" ... check Soup Mail now..

Charmaine Chircop November 24, 2009 at 12:08 AM This sweet poem made me smile..i guess that is a risk one should always take.she can walk away,but she could stay...love these cheesy lines,,hope she is reading them:) Charma