A Cautionary Tail

Herr Heinrich Schneider and his spouse Felt the need to wander, And for once to leave their house For a land that lay far yonder. Japan at cherry-blossom time! No better place than this Enthralled the German couple’s mind. The chance they would not miss. "But what of Spezi", Heidi cried, "We can’t leave him behind." "Ach! unser Spezi," Heinrich sighed. "There’s a way we’ll find." They gave him anti-rabies shots And medicines galore. All that red tape, and lots and lots Of paper-mountains more. Off to the orient they flew With hopeful joy and glee. Oh what wonders bright and new Would soon enthral all three? Imperial palaces they saw And Fuji’s snow-capped summit, Ornate gardens stirring awe. You name it, they had done it. Immersed in culture and in art They sensed a certain lack. And so it was that they took heart To leave the beaten track. They hired a car and off they went To some far-distant by-way. And many a pleasant hour they spent Till the dying light of day. They found a cosy place to rest. On the price they made a deal. At last a chance to have a "Fest". The time came for a meal. The menu was in Japanese, As well one might expect. The waiter clearly meant to please And bowed with great respect. Of English, German and of French He had no scrap of knowledge. He gave each ear a nervous clench. No, he’d never been to college. Herr Schneider felt like sauerkraut And Heidi felt like veal, Food of this kind they’d do without Until another meal. But Spezi’s hunger would not wait. Herr Schneider eyed the waiter. "Wuff, Wuff, our Spezi wants a plate. For dogs one has to cater." While they sat there, a full hour passed. Then the waiter brought some dishes. The Schneiders ate their strange repast, Which fell short of their wishes. It was now time to pay the bill, Which ran to many a yen. Both were feeling somewhat ill. and hardly spoke a word, but then - Heidi cried "Is Spezi back yet?" "Wuff wuff" did Heinrich bark. "Please, waiter, tell us, where’s our pet? In the kitchen? In the park? A piece of fur the waiter brought. Then Heidi’s face went pale. She had a grim and horrid thought On seeing Spezi’s tail. What is the moral of this tale? Down under be a dingo. Where e’er you roam you should not fail To understand the lingo.