~ (~) ~ Answering Hate (Part #1 of 5) ~ (~) ~

Thank you so much for your honesty friend. I paused and took some time with your statements to me to ponder on it. Yes I have these problems that are always rising up within me from time to time. The truth is I believe that I need all the help that I can get. Because my soul is tortured as well by them. I'm glad you were patient enough to read anyway. Takes a lot of strength and courage to be as honest as you have been, I appreciate it. It reminded me, that relying on myself alone, and remaining alone with these things makes it all the more harder for me to remain honest with myself. As you have so plainly been with me so again I thank you. I just get so afraid sometimes to be this way. But I feel that honestly it is a true strength that you have. You I feel are truly blessed. Gifted with this boldness of heart. You carry it well. I feel it is the most precious and there is no truer strength lying within you. If I were you, well I would feel blessed and encouraged by it truly... . As for what was stated in the writing it was for me a simple message. Though I can tell you myself it made my belly uncomfortable too. When I heard... saw it for myself for the first time. Made me cry... . Because I truly don't want myself to feel it anymore than is necessary, being reminded today what it truly means to be like this. As I considered and still keep trying to grow to know through it how I have in turn been brought to yield it myself every time I saw for myself my own hate. You know it makes me more and even more afraid. Because I've been like this in one form or the other my whole life. I probably always will be without some help, I figure that when I heard this message first, it rose within me in this greater form. I didn't like it either at all. Made me run to something more though and today I am feeling a little, sometimes quite better the more I am moved away from it. Because I also found that for myself, I wanted more than just this hate and living alone with it. And through hearing the truth of it, I knew that I alone could not stop it from rising up from within me... . Because I don't truly enjoy feeling sick to my tummy like this. It has been for me this way for a long time and I am finding that it can in its reality surely kill me, because for myself I let it consume me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnKoAEs65Pg