3 More Excerpts From the Lost Book of Tuberlantis

Retrieved Passage 3: From The Book of Days, Sonnet 2 For Lo! I must relate this tome to you who gather here to listen and believe to tell the story I believe is true before my sanity (BARK!) takes its leave. The Spuds in Exile traversed the terrain wearing long dresses of the fine-spun silk all travelling by sedan car and train with their bright ears fresh-bathed in llama milk and (UUUURRRGGHHH!!) such necklaces as seldom seen made of gold-plated prunes and aubergines graced the neck-less heads of brown and green of these arcane potato libertines. And (WOOF!) soon you must go and leave me here for my time of insanity is near. Retrieved Passage 4: A Running Transformathon Mutation comes: hair after little spiny hair appears on palms and small akimbo knees and he is wont to don dark leather underwear and mumble backwards in dour blasphemies The beer flows, the cape swirls, the spud appears grinning like a satyr in the dark with twin horns standing up like stabbing tuber spears he's poised to lope and gibber in the park Mutation comes: the cycle goes and comes again when the moon's bright halo lights the sky the spud goes skinny-dancing at your window pane and howls along with every mad dog's cry. Retrieved Passage 5: Revenge of The Jelly Men I dreamed a dream, screamed a scream, a vocal vent of pain: the Jelly Men are coming to find me here again! They are coming slow and stealthy, they are coming with blancmange, they are coming back to pelt me with a stale Victoria sponge. I see the day fade away to all-consuming black; the Jelly Men are coming in dark, deadly attack! with their moaning and their howling and their teeth fiercely displayed, and their custard dogs slow-prowling in the sleepless, shifting shade. A sound of drums, the tyrant comes, on legs covered in hair! The Jelly Men are coming with their dark, demented stare! I will lash them with strong cable, I will fight them fearlessly, I am here under the table merely out of strategy.