2,5

I never know what to say when he calls me 
beautiful. There is nothing pretty about
counting calories or thinking about
my bathroom floor every time I
get stressed and anyway it's
never enough.

I went through hell and back and
all I got was a few extra pounds.

I've been through hell and back and
now it's like I'm stuck with a 
snowstorm - the ghosts of
boyfriends past haunting the
back of my neck - sometimes I
get goosebumps without
knowing why.

He tells me I'm
beautiful and it happens very
rarely. I say I will only live 
up to it if I lose all the weight; bones
sticking out begging for attention; 
sometimes my
forefingers dig the side of my thumbs: a
desperate hunger for showing.

He barely questions it or cares
about my poetry and it's turned into a 
sad joke. The cliche of a
girl that once was; the
reflection staring back
at me and I don't
know what to say.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

Poem

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Roberts Avatar
December 17, 2017 at 3:56 PM
This is really good. Most of us goes through feeling and thinking this way. It’s great to have someone on your side to assure you that your great just the way you are and love you.
Christodoulou Avatar
December 21, 2017 at 5:22 AM
Thank you!
Gauthier Avatar
December 17, 2017 at 8:57 AM
Nice poem about the impact of our society having brainwashed our little girls. An evil ploy to make sure they're not happy and line up to tow the line of buying into the industries of fashion and weight loss. Booming businesses with people getting richer and richer while girls are hypnotized to the glittering ideals they dangle and walk around like pitiful addicts. Your poem evokes strong feelings, Eva. Well done.
Christodoulou Avatar
December 17, 2017 at 9:34 AM
Thank you very much for your kind words! I can only hope things will only change one day and no more people will have to suffer from this horrible affliction.
Allison Avatar
November 28, 2017 at 5:31 PM
Such a sad sad poem in so many ways Eva, the forth stanza hit home as I worked with a student who had an eating disorder and this reminded me of her:-( hugs jan xx
Christodoulou Avatar
November 29, 2017 at 4:41 AM
Thank you for your comment, Jan! It is a constant battle, I have been in recovery for a while, but it's always in the back of my head. All the best xx
Whitmore Avatar
November 28, 2017 at 5:25 PM
A very deep write that I can relate to. Welcome to poetry soup!
Christodoulou Avatar
November 29, 2017 at 4:40 AM
Thank you, Kristina! Glad you like my poetry!
Ajmal Avatar
November 28, 2017 at 12:23 PM
A very beautiful written poem, I really enjoyed reading it, as you re new here so I should welcome you to poetrysoup, I m sure that you re gonna love your long stay here, good luck and yeah continue to write, I ll be looking for your poems
Christodoulou Avatar
November 28, 2017 at 12:40 PM
Thank you, Faraz! I really appreciate your kind words. Best of luck to you too!
Michael Avatar
November 28, 2017 at 10:55 AM
I enjoyed your poem...All you can do is smile...this is life...All the best to you Eva
Christodoulou Avatar
November 28, 2017 at 12:19 PM
Thank you so much, Arturo! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem, there will be more to come soon!
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