Christen Kuikoua Poet Free verse

19 Years Old and Still Held Through It All - Part 01

19 years on this earth.
Lord… I thank You.
But even that feels insufficient.

Because if I’m honest,
this year exposed me.

It exposed my pride.
My insecurity.
My need for validation at times.
My fear of not being enough.
My fear of being too much.

There were days I felt strong in public
and completely empty in private.

There were prayers I prayed
that I didn’t fully believe.
There were sins I repeated
after promising You I was done.
There were tears I wiped quickly
so nobody would ask questions.

I’ve smiled while breaking.
Encouraged others while doubting myself.
Spoken faith while fighting disbelief.
And still, You kept me alive.

Nineteen years.

I didn’t always honor You with my thoughts.
I didn’t always honor You with my desires.
Sometimes my flesh was louder than my spirit.
Sometimes I wanted what You said no to.
Sometimes I resented the waiting.
Sometimes I envied others.
Sometimes I questioned Your timing.
And yet You did not remove Your hand from me.

You let me see another year
with breath in my lungs
and purpose still attached to my futile name.

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