100 fears
100 fears - but still OK
Will you accept me
When I admit that I am afraid of dying,
Or inappropriately laughing,
Or suddenly crying.
And then there is the
Fear of my emotional pain,
Of my rage
When it suddenly appears
Every now and again.
Fear of becoming older, getting slower,
And my virility
And libido becoming even lower.
Fear of hair growing
In embarrassing places
Fear of not remembering the names
Of familiar faces.
Fear of losing, fear of giving,
Fear of not having enough
Of living
With always wanting more,
Fear of being filthy rich,
Or being homeless and poor.
Fear of being fired by the boss
Who always DEMANDS more.
Fear of people that I don’t know
Fear of loneliness.
Of success, failure
And nowhere to go.
Fear of feeling lost,
Or being stuck alone at home
Fear of being called useless and soft.
Fear of no messages
On my mobile phone.
Fear of the coach not calling my name,
Fear of not understanding the rules
Or even the game.
Fear of my ego
If I’m second best in the class,
Fear of being the one
Who always comes last.
Fear of making mistakes
And not being perfect
Or simply not having what takes.
Fear of being too direct
And not seeing the signs
In peoples expressions,
Fear of not finding lines
That don’t flow or rhyme.
Fear of standing still,
Of real transformation and change
Will people accept me,
Or think I am weird and strange?
Fear of being the one
Who always arrives late,
Fear of my chattering mind
If I have to wait and wait.
Fear of not being heard or seen,
Fear of people
Who are pushy and mean.
Fear of what you really think
And being criticised
Fear of being yelled at
And ostracised.
Fear of following my heart.
And speaking my truth
Fear of being a just part
Of things bigger than my head.
Fear of breaking down, feeling, dead
And falling apart.
Fear of being the one
who doesn’t understand
Fear of being misunderstood,
Being called weak and not a real man.
Fear of being just the person
From a foreign land.
Fear of being too much
Or not enough,
Fear of being too vulnerable
Or gross and tough.
Fear of being the only one
Who really cares,
or being told
That I’m not really here
But somewhere over there.
Fear of being needy
And insensitive and greedy.
Fear of being forced
To do things I don’t want to do
Because I knew
You would always say
That I’m not ok.
Fear of you leaving
And not knowing what to do if you stay.
Fear of being embarrassingly intense
Or manipulative, superficial
Or causing offence.
Fear of being stupid,
Fear of being clever,
Fear of being labelled
As selfish and bad,
Or even too good…
Fear of your displeasure,
I think I’m going mad.
Fear of being ugly and thin,
Fear of being too tall, small or fat.
Fear of the moments when I stutter
And don’t know what to do,
And deeply afraid of the judgments
That may just come from you.
And finally
It all comes down to one single thing
Whatever I think, do or say:
My fear of not being ok.
And can someone please explain
Why I have to play this fear game
Endlessly again and again?
Why is it not ok for me to be ok
What if. just for today,
I play
A different game
And completely accept
That I am ok
Right now, as I am?
Sangeet Portals 2024
Copyright © Sangeet Portals | Year Posted 2024
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