1-15-10 Thoughts In My Head

Sometimes I insolate mysef, just to be as alone as i feel. i smile, but if you would pause a moment to look into my eyes, you would see, im really crying. i bite my lip and look away from you, because im scared you'll see past what i pretend is strength. sometimes i sit, and count pills, or stare at the blade i keep in my drawer; my last blade, a keep-sake. everyone walks around smileing, but i wonder, how many of those smiles are fake? and would it change anything if we just took a moment to care, and see. how many of them are the greatest actors in the world? i want to disappear before my death comes. i experiance it every year. it is what has me today alone. memories can change a person forever. especially when we relive them, day after day. there will be three things in our ending; love, pain, and the never ending memories. our own guilt will lead us tp a personal hell. the question with no answer is; will we be saved?