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Thank you for critiquing my poem. Every comment helps towards improvement

Posted by Ian Jay Plaza on 7/27/2025 4:35:37 AM

Dream High, Dream Deep

 

Dream High or Dream Deep
In my heart, which should I keep
Confused as to what people mean
Not knowing where to lean

Most people would say dream high
Do everything to reach for the sky
Follow the shooting stars' path
Or try to caress the smiling Cheshire Cat

You can fly, climb, or soar
To get the highest score
Work smart to reach your goal
To satisfy your hungry soul

What happens when you fail
You will fall like hardened hail
Like Icarus, you will fall
On the ground like a scrawl

But do not falter, fallen one
For another journey has just begun
Start again, begin anew
For you have become a better you

Dream Deep or Dream High
I can only deeply sigh
Addled with a binary choice
Which has the stronger voice

Few would say, dream deep
Since only dirt you will keep
Plough through fields of stone and ice
Or search for King Midas' demise

Dig, drill, or burrow
Even if you hit a zero
Work hard to reach goals
And help other hungry souls

What happens when you flunk
Just treat it as a spelunk
Just do not be like Orpheus
Or something important you will lose

But do not falter, dirty one
For other things can be done
Dig a well or till the land
Just make yourself a new brand

Dream high or dream deep
Thinking even in my sleep
Now tell me, friend, what to do
Which should I choose between the two


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Replies


Comment by Ian Jay Plaza on 8/2/2025 3:01:13 AM

Thank you for the comment. I will dwell on it and find a way to remedy the disconnection and inconsistency.


Comment by Justine Fraser on 7/31/2025 7:07:52 PM

First, can I say that I like your poem. I am a bit confused as to what people mean as well. However, I don't feel any clearer after reading your stanzas, although they give a lot of suggestions. The verses don't all follow each other - from 5 to 6 for example - should one start again and begin anew, or sigh deeply? ; and 8-9-10. It's a big subject and in my opinion your poem would benefit from making the links stronger between ideas. There also seems to be an inconsistency between your advice and your own feelings - using the imperative to tell some one not to falter, for example, and then asking for advice on what to do yourself. This creates some confusion for a reader.



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