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Need feedback - any sort of criticism is appreciated

Posted by Saankhya Tare on 8/14/2025 6:13:16 AM

Eclipse

I carved my dreams on time’s own wall,
And fed them blood through rise and fall.
Each breath I took was forged for this,
Yet fate turned joy to an abyss.

The winds betrayed, the skies grew sly,
And stole my wings while I could fly.
I watched the weak take golden thrones,
While I was left with dust and stones.

But fire still hides beneath my pain,
And storms can’t drown this heart’s domain.
I’ll build again, with twice the might,
And claim my place beneath the light.

One day the world will bow, confess,
That loss was only my first test.
And when I rise, they’ll finally see,
The crown was always meant for me.

https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/eclipse_1752104


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