Eternity Defined

https://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry/blogs/the_broken_vow_and_the_beat_of_the_hearts_ruin-42573

This fragment feels like the echo of something once sacred, now shattered but still glowing faintly under the skin. It carries the weight of memory and ruin, but not ruin for spectacle, rather ruin as quiet truth. “A time grown out of pity like rain on the asphalt” — this is a striking image. But it rushes past too quickly. That rain… it deserves more silence. It’s not just any rain, it’s the kind that no longer reaches the roots, that vanishes on contact. Pity, here, is sterile. A time born not of passion or revolt, but out of resignation. That idea is powerful. Let it breathe. “Pain is a pleasure to the unassuming masses.” This line flirts with the prophetic, but it feels a touch abstract. In your voice, pain usually has a face, a name, a burned prayer behind it. Here, the idea is true, but it lacks flesh. Who are the masses? Where do they laugh as they bleed? I would love to see this idea anchored in image, not told, but revealed. “It was not the vow that was broken, but the innocence…” — now here the poem finds its pulse. This is where your voice rises. Not moralistic, but mournful. There’s wisdom in this reversal. The lovers torn at the seams, beautiful. Subtle. It suggests not drama, but slow unraveling. And that’s more haunting than betrayal shouted across a room. This reads like a shard from a larger poem, a breath cut mid-confession. If you ever expand it, I believe it could hold the weight of an entire generation’s lost tenderness. Let the silence between your words do the weeping. You’re close. Very close. With admiration & poetic regards, Florin Lacatus

nice poem

Only Brutal Honesty is the way to go.....